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Sometimes it would be good if I could just sleep through a week. This would have been a good one for that.
I don't remember much about Monday through Wednesday except that I took 3 grandchildren to the dentist Wednesday morning (which was the highlight of my week) but while out I put the driver's side window down. It stayed there and is still there. My car now lives in the garage with half of the door missing. I'm pretty much stranded unless I want to get up and take my husband to work (and go back to get him in the evening).
The last month or two have been rough. My arms and shoulders hurt a good bit most of the time and most of the time my left elbow is so painful I can barely stand to use it. I sometimes wonder if I did something to it but I assume it's just arthritis. My fingers hurt and sometimes feel as if they're about to break. One day driving, I had to drive as much as possible with my palms because when I grasped the stearing wheel it felt as though my fingers were breaking or I was damaging them. I'm tired and weak and have pretty much gotten tired of feeling bad and trying to deal with Disability Insurance and SSI Disability, bills, business, groceries, keeping up with and stretching money, car problems, washing machines that don't work, a garage door that doesn't work and hurts every time I have to open it manually. Blah, blah, blah. Did I mention I'm very depressed and whine a lot.
I am greatful for the help I am getting from my family. One daughter has offered to make the calls that seem to be a source of anxiety for me. My husband is usually good to encourage and comfort me. I imagine it gets old though at times like this. One son-in-law out of the blue offered to try to fix my car window. I don't know why he did, but it was so nice of him to spend his valuable time to try to do that.
There are always ups and downs for anyone and very literally with Lupus. I guess this is just a really down, down. I'm not sure that people believe me when I say that I know this will pass and everything will be alright. I'm just very unhappy for now. I'll get over it and go back to taking things in stride better, until the next down.
Meanwhile I hope they will just continue to love me and try not to take my moods personally or feel responsible.
I'd like to tell them what they tell me, "It'll be alright."