: > {{

Sometimes it would be good if I could just sleep through a week. This would have been a good one for that.
I don't remember much about Monday through Wednesday except that I took 3 grandchildren to the dentist Wednesday morning (which was the highlight of my week) but while out I put the driver's side window down. It stayed there and is still there. My car now lives in the garage with half of the door missing. I'm pretty much stranded unless I want to get up and take my husband to work (and go back to get him in the evening).
The last month or two have been rough. My arms and shoulders hurt a good bit most of the time and most of the time my left elbow is so painful I can barely stand to use it. I sometimes wonder if I did something to it but I assume it's just arthritis. My fingers hurt and sometimes feel as if they're about to break. One day driving, I had to drive as much as possible with my palms because when I grasped the stearing wheel it felt as though my fingers were breaking or I was damaging them. I'm tired and weak and have pretty much gotten tired of feeling bad and trying to deal with Disability Insurance and SSI Disability, bills, business, groceries, keeping up with and stretching money, car problems, washing machines that don't work, a garage door that doesn't work and hurts every time I have to open it manually. Blah, blah, blah. Did I mention I'm very depressed and whine a lot.
I am greatful for the help I am getting from my family. One daughter has offered to make the calls that seem to be a source of anxiety for me. My husband is usually good to encourage and comfort me. I imagine it gets old though at times like this. One son-in-law out of the blue offered to try to fix my car window. I don't know why he did, but it was so nice of him to spend his valuable time to try to do that.
There are always ups and downs for anyone and very literally with Lupus. I guess this is just a really down, down. I'm not sure that people believe me when I say that I know this will pass and everything will be alright. I'm just very unhappy for now. I'll get over it and go back to taking things in stride better, until the next down.
Meanwhile I hope they will just continue to love me and try not to take my moods personally or feel responsible.
I'd like to tell them what they tell me, "It'll be alright."

: > /

Up early. Can't sleep. Woke at about 4:30 because of a digestive problem. That will be a problem for a week now following the IGg treatment.
This last month hasn't been so good. Not horrible but never quite good. I hope this month will be better.
I have for a long time needed something to occupy me that would help me feel more self-worth. It's been a long couple of years and I steadily declined until I had less and less that made me feel that I was doing something productive. I've tried to look at this as a time to rest and get closer to my family and it has been that. I am very greatful for the time I've had to just hang out with my (adult) children. For a long time one worked at home and that was a great opportunity to be together. Another works nearby and comes to lunch at least once a week which is also good. The other works farther away and then is busy with home and family so I see frustratingly little of her and her family but it's getting better.
One thing has been a big help. For Christmas my husband gave me a drawing instruction book and it has made a very nice difference in my life. I have been surprised how well I've done with it. I can actually draw something and have it look pretty much like the subject. Who knew? I find that I really love doing it. It can be a source of great frustration but also great satisfaction. One thing that has amazed me is that I don't mind showing my drawings to people, even when they are in progress. I have found that after looking at a drawing for too long I can't always "see it" properly and another person's fresh look can help. I have a nephew (whom I am not very close to) who is an artist. Maybe he wouldn't mind a little advice. I can only ask.
I'm starting to get a headache. Heavy squeezing feeling and pain in my neck. I think it's time to stop typing and rest. (or maybe draw a little)