Thursday, November 13, 2008

: >(

I'm getting weak fast today and my neck and head are starting to hurt. My chest is starting to hurt also. It's happened a few times lately. It feels like pressure, like I have to make myself take a deep breath. Maybe it's just the weakness.

: > [

So Monday seemed about the same as Sunday for a while but as the day progressed my neck and shoulders hurt worse and also developed into quite a headache. It all grew progressively worse until at bedtime I wasn't sleepy and if I had been the headache, etc wouldn't have let me sleep. I spent several hours on the couch hoping the pain would fade and I could sleep. It was a very long miserable night. At some point it finally dawned on me that this was part of the IGG reaction. The reaction has been so much less I forget about it. Each month, usually later than I used to feel it, I get sick, then sicker and finally I realize that it is the IGG. I have really got to remember that the week after is a time to rest. I think it would be easier if I weren't trying to do too much. I need to get a lot of movies and simple food in the house and just rest all that week. Maybe next month I'll learn.
Back to Monday night. I did finally drift in and out of sleep until about 6:30 when I got in the bed with my husband. After he got up, I told him what had been going on and we decided that I would take plenty of pain meds and a half of a Xanax to help me relax and go to sleep. I threw in an extra 10 mg of prednisone to be sure. He made me a piece of plain toast to get it down because I was also nauseous. I finally slept until 11:30 when he called to check on me and decided to come home. I went back to sleep until he came. He fixed me a peanut butter & jelly sandwich and we watched a little TV until I drifted off again. I slept until 7 or 8 that night. I ate a piece of cheese toast and then went to bed. I read a while, took a sleeping pill and went to sleep.
I got up the next morning and my daughter and I were going to try to go for a walk around the park. I ate some cereal and then got up and put some clothes on. By that time I was about to fall down from weakness and dizziness so I hit the couch. We decided to give me time to rest and maybe we'd just walk around in the immediate vicinity of my house. I rested a while and we tried walking to her car to get something and I had to sit in the car to rest. After a bit she helped me back in the house and to the couch. I rested the rest of the morning and after lunch we planned to go pick up my car. I got to her car fine and when we got to the shop I walked to my car and spoke to the man then had to sit on the bumper and have my dtr support me. We went and ate lunch then came back. I got straight into the car and drove home where she helped me into the house. We almost didn't make it. I was falling out on the porch. I was extremely weak and upset. I hate that totally weak feeling. I feel weak and dependent enough during normal times but when I'm like that, I fall apart emotionally. These feelings are not me and that makes it worse. I want to tell people that I am a strong woman. I can take care of myself. I can support myself, but it's no longer true and that is very hard to accept. I guess humility isn't one of my personality traits. Somehow, I have to learn to accept the way things are and be strong in that. God help me to do that. (And I constantly thank him for my family. I couldn't make it without them. They keep me somewhat normal. Weird, huh?)

Sunday, November 9, 2008

: > /

My neck, shoulders & back have been hurting. The neck & shoulders are the usual. I did the neck traction last night. I'm trying to do it about every other night. When I do it every night it seems worse.

The back is near my left hip and sharp pain. I developed a unique problem yesterday. Starting late morning, my left elbow started to hurt whenever anything touched it. It got worse during the day. It was not a bruise, only the skin and it hurt terribly when it was touched. I had to put an ace bandage around it with padding to sleep. It's fading this morning. ????

I just went to try to move a few bulbs. I got tired & out of breath (fast) and my chest started to hurt the way it did when the artery was blocked. I'm sure it was just the heavy breathing in cold air but it was still a little scary.

I came in the house and discovered that half of my bottom lip is swollen. ???? I don't know how or why.

I'm trying to work on SSI disability paperwork but it's tough to keep at it. I have to take a lot of breaks. Not only does all of the writing hurt but it makes me feel very stressed & upset which makes me feel worse in general. I'm really close to the edge lately. I don't think I can stand much more stress & worry. At least, I hope I don't get the chance to find out.

Friday, November 7, 2008

: > (

It's not been a particularly good week. I don't have energy. I'm not focused (well a little worse than that, more like spacy) I've been depressed and I have been hurting a lot. Still trying to deal w/ the disability problem. My friends and family are very supportive. One said that if I can't get disability, who can. I wish that the disability determination people would speak to people who know me. I can't work whether I get approved or not. I don't know what we'll do if I don't get the disability insurance and eventually SSI disability. We can adjust to that drop in income but I don't think we can manage without it totally if we're going to keep our home & car. I know God will take care of us and it'll be alright. I just wish it was settled (favorably) so I can relax. This ordeal is not helping.

I had an IGG treatment yesterday. I was feeling especially bad and the 3 hours or so I spent resting in the recliner for the IV did me some good. I hope the IGG does.

Saturday, November 1, 2008

: > /

I have had a long hard week and I'm tired. I'm stiff and achy and moving like an old woman.